Office small talk: how to improve your conversation skills

They are the informal conversations about unimportant things we have every day with strangers, acquaintances and colleagues. They happen while standing in the queue to order coffee in the morning, waiting for a meeting to begin, or meeting someone new at a networking event.

While easy to dismiss as inconsequential, small talk can be a valuable tool in a professional setting. Forging strong relationships in the workplace can lead to everything from securing that sought-after promotion to landing a critical business deal.

“Done well, small talk can build rapport because you’re finding some commonality,” says business storytelling expert and author Gabrielle Dolan.

Engaging in the social ritual of polite conversation breaks the ice. It puts people at ease, provides insight into personality, and is the first step in building trust.

Importantly, engaging in this social ritual helps lay the groundwork for the tasks at hand and future collaboration.

Many people, however, take a dubious view of small talk.

“Small talk has a bad rap, particularly among those who see it as superficial or trivial,” says organisational psychologist and leadership expert Vanessa Vershaw.

While it is understandably difficult to get enthused about awkward exchanges about the weather, small talk can be much more than that.

“Small talk can be an opportunity to truly connect,” says Vershaw.

The ability to forge genuine connections via casual conversation is a vital professional skill, she adds. “It is a huge career advantage.”

Secret to success

Vershaw recommends approaching small talk with enthusiasm and an open mind.

“Take the view: ‘I’m not here to gain anything from this situation. I’m here to learn something new, meet somebody interesting and create a connection that I didn’t previously have,’” she says.

Effective small talk relies on a skill set that includes active listening and empathy.

It also requires leaving ego at the door.

“Humility plays a big part in small talk, as does a natural curiosity to explore other people’s realities and other people’s worlds,” Vershaw explains.

They are the informal conversations about unimportant things we have every day with strangers, acquaintances and colleagues. They happen while standing in the queue to order coffee in the morning, waiting for a meeting to begin, or meeting someone new at a networking event.

While easy to dismiss as inconsequential, small talk can be a valuable tool in a professional setting. Forging strong relationships in the workplace can lead to everything from securing that sought-after promotion to landing a critical business deal.

“Done well, small talk can build rapport because you’re finding some commonality,” says business storytelling expert and author Gabrielle Dolan.

Engaging in the social ritual of polite conversation breaks the ice. It puts people at ease, provides insight into personality, and is the first step in building trust.

Importantly, engaging in this social ritual helps lay the groundwork for the tasks at hand and future collaboration.

Many people, however, take a dubious view of small talk.

“Small talk has a bad rap, particularly among those who see it as superficial or trivial,” says organisational psychologist and leadership expert Vanessa Vershaw.

While it is understandably difficult to get enthused about awkward exchanges about the weather, small talk can be much more than that.

“Small talk can be an opportunity to truly connect,” says Vershaw.

The ability to forge genuine connections via casual conversation is a vital professional skill, she adds. “It is a huge career advantage.”

Secret to success

Vershaw recommends approaching small talk with enthusiasm and an open mind.

“Take the view: ‘I’m not here to gain anything from this situation. I’m here to learn something new, meet somebody interesting and create a connection that I didn’t previously have,’” she says.

Effective small talk relies on a skill set that includes active listening and empathy.

It also requires leaving ego at the door.

“Humility plays a big part in small talk, as does a natural curiosity to explore other people’s realities and other people’s worlds,” Vershaw explains.

Steer clear of "safe" subjects

To Dolan, although talking about the weather is a “safe” topic, it offers limited opportunity for a meaningful conversation. The goal should be genuine connection.

“Be prepared to reveal something personal about yourself,” Dolan says.

That does not mean confessing a deeply held secret – it could just be sharing something that happened that day.

“Try talking about the morning you’ve had getting your kids off to school or how you’re a little tired because you went for a run,” she explains.

 

"If you meet someone and love their jacket, tell them. Say, ‘I really love your jacket. Where did you get that from?’. People like talking about themselves, so if you open with a question like that, it’s a subject they can readily talk about, but you have to be genuine."

 

Looking for another icebreaker? Offer a compliment – but make it sincere.

“If you meet someone and love their jacket, tell them,” says Dolan. “Say, ‘I really love your jacket. Where did you get that from?’. People like talking about themselves, so if you open with a question like that, it’s a subject they can readily talk about, but you have to be genuine.”

If all else fails, ask a question.

In a 2017 study, researchers at Harvard Business School examined the role of asking questions in conversation.

Their findings reveal that asking questions indicates responsiveness, a desirable quality that encapsulates listening, understanding, validation and care.

“People who ask more questions are better liked by their conversation partners,” according to the study authors.

The result of this is stronger relationships and greater opportunities for collaboration.

Practice makes perfect

Small talk does not come naturally to everyone. Casual conversation can pose a particular challenge for introverts, neurodiverse people and for people who have social anxiety disorders.

However, Vershaw says it is important to resist the temptation to dodge potentially awkward social settings.

“If we’re avoiding the situations where we think small talk is going to happen, then we’re not practising or exercising our small talk muscle. We’re not going to feel as prepared or willing to give it a try.”

Small talk is a skill anyone can master, she says. Planning ahead can help reduce anxiety before an event – and avoid awkward silences during conversations.

 

"Humility plays a big part in small talk, as does a natural curiosity to explore other people’s realities and other people’s worlds."

 

“Come up with a set of questions that enable you to establish rapport quickly,” says Vershaw.

Questions to ask could include anything from, “Who’s your professional role model?” and “How did you start working in your field?” to “Have you read any great books lately?” and “Where did you go for your last holiday?”.

It also pays for people to think about topics they feel comfortable discussing and how much they want to reveal about themselves.

Strategising in advance about these questions and topics “allows you to take control of the conversation” when the time comes, says Vershaw.

Screens and small talk

Small talk takes on a different cast in a hybrid workplace. Water cooler chat is a much harder proposition when many meetings now take place online.

However, small talk is still possible – and valuable – in a virtual setting.

In the Harvard Business Review, Bob Frisch and Cary Greene, partners at management consulting firm Strategic Offsites Group, suggest several ways to reintroduce small talk into virtual meetings.

These include making small talk an agenda item, beginning meetings with an icebreaker and allowing time for unstructured conversation at the end of team meetings.

To Frisch and Greene, “It’s the chit-chat, the side conversations that lift emotions and promote wellbeing. It’s one way we strengthen and deepen relationships and is critical to building high-performing teams.”