Grief in the workplace: How to support your team

Say “grief” and people usually think of death.

But Dr Lauren Breen, professor of psychology at Curtin University, says that grief is a response to any type of loss.

“We often think about grief as something that occurs due to a close person having died,” she says. “However, we can grieve impending deaths, pet deaths and non-death losses too, such as the loss of a relationship, loss of fertility and loss of health, to name just a few.”

Breen, who is also a grief and loss expert known as a thanatologist, says that sometimes a person may not recognise they are grieving if a loss does not fit society’s narrow definition of grief.

“As a society, we might not grieve those things [non-death losses]. They are not ‘socially sanctioned’ types of losses that are commonly considered to deserve the term, grief.”

Melbourne-based psychologist Yang Yan Poh says any life event where a loss has occurred can cause grief. She calls on Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance — to explain to clients how humans experience it. “It is normal to ebb and flow through these stages.”

Workplace impact

Grief is not only an emotional response, says Breen. It is also physical and psychological, and can impact all facets of life, including work.

“It is common for grieving people to report that their memory and concentration are affected,” she says. “Some report making more mistakes at work in the weeks and months after a loss. People with public-facing jobs or who work in places with lots of noise can report difficulties with those kinds of environments, too.”

People experiencing grief may appear distracted or unmotivated, Poh says. “They might miss deadlines or look exhausted because their sleep could also be impacted.”

Professionals coping with grief at work may choose to meet with their manager to discuss if adjustments can be made to their workload and deadlines.

“They can use leave entitlements and flexible work arrangements where available, and may seek support via an employee assistance program,” Breen says. “It is important for professionals to understand grief, recognise its impacts at work and be gentle with themselves.”

Breen also suggests setting boundaries with colleagues about what can be discussed and what is off limits.

“That could be letting people know it is OK to talk about a deceased person, for example, or preparing short, polite responses to enquiries such as ‘I appreciate your concern, but I am not ready to talk about it’.”

Poh views grief through a social lens, which emphasises the role community support plays in helping an individual recover. “Knowing you are not alone is important.

“Acknowledging pain is a very difficult thing for a lot of people. This is where community can help, even if it is simple things like checking in or inviting them for a meal.” 

Poh likens grief to a physical injury. “Realistically, you are not going to be able to manage the same number of tasks as before your injury,” she says. “Give yourself time. Take leave if necessary and prioritise your wellbeing.”

How managers can help

Supporting grieving employees at work begins with creating psychologically safe workplaces. The combined cognitive, emotional and physical effects of grief make individuals vulnerable, Poh says.

“It is important for employers to create an environment where employees do not fear professional or social repercussions [from their reduced capacity].”

Kindness and empathy should underpin a manager’s approach to supporting an employee dealing with a loss.

“Managers need to realise that they cannot fix the situation — and they do not have to try to fix it — but they can respond with compassion,” Breen says.

When appropriate, a manager can acknowledge the loss by organising a gift such as flowers or a food delivery. When writing on a card, “short, simple messages like ‘thinking of you at this time’ can be incredibly powerful”, Breen says. “It is best to avoid clichés or platitudes, such as ‘everything happens for a reason’, which can often do more harm than good.”

Taking initiative can help ensure an employee feels supported.

“Instead of saying, ‘Let me know if you need anything’, a manager can be proactive in reaching out and reminding employees about leave entitlements, flexible work arrangements and the employee assistance program,” Breen says. “It is also useful to ask direct questions such as ‘What would be helpful from us right now?’ or ‘Is there anything you would like me to share with the team?’

“Some grieving people view work as a break from their grief and the turmoil that they might be experiencing, whereas others want to share their experience with colleagues,” she says. “Both perspectives should be respected.”

Finally, Breen notes, grief does not follow a set timeline.

“Grief comes in waves over time,” she says. “A manager can acknowledge this by providing an anniversary card or a note to indicate that they are thinking of the employee and their loss.”

 

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