Emotional intelligence: Gain an edge as a leader

The best leaders are not those who can direct others, but more often the ones who are able to control themselves. Those who can lead with calm will see this behaviour reflected in the performance and behaviour of their employees.

Of course, this is difficult and requires self-mastery on several levels.

Introspection and receptivity

Calm, stable leadership starts with introspection and an ability to take on negative feedback.

“You’ve got see yourself as an instrument that needs to be managed to be effective and to manage others,” says Dr Travis Kemp, organisational psychologist, coach and adjunct professor at the University of South Australia’s Business School.

What’s important is to be able to take on feedback without rejecting or being defensive about it.

“The temptation, as a leader, is to take feedback as absolute, without contextualising it and understanding the source and the complexities along the way that lead to that feedback,” says Kemp. “That’s one of the levels of sophistication we haven’t got to quite yet in the feedback process around leadership.”

The leader's shadow

It is vital for a leader to appreciate how their actions impact others.

“The popular term is ‘the shadow I cast as a leader’,” says Kemp. This requires a level of openness and a willingness to sit in discomfort and understand what triggers a defensive position in someone else.

The goal is to create an environment where people feel safe enough to tell the truth without fear of retaliation or consequence, even though that may be an unpleasant experience for the leader.

 

"Calm leaders are not devoid of emotion — they simply direct their cognitive resources toward what matters most and filter out the noise."

 

Connecting with people on a personal level helps build understanding as well as a good relationship. “Talk about what’s going on in your life and your responsibilities. The more context and understanding you have, the more connection you will build,” says leadership development expert, Wendy Born.

It is also important for leaders to remember that the only person they can change is themselves. “Expecting somebody else to change is a waste of your energy. Focus on what is within your circle of control,” says Born.

Calm under pressure

Another essential skill for leaders is staying calm under pressure. This is a cognitive state that can be deliberately trained.

Cognitive reframing, which involves reinterpreting a threat as a challenge, draws on the brain’s executive attention network — the system that enables focus and decision-making under pressure.

“When leaders consciously shift their appraisal of a stressful situation, it reduces activation in the amygdala, the brain’s threat-detection centre, allowing for clearer and more strategic thinking,” says Lainie Cassidy, head of wellbeing, mental health and safety at KPMG Australia.

“Calm leaders are not devoid of emotion — they simply direct their cognitive resources toward what matters most and filter out the noise.”

This ability to stay regulated is not innate. Rather, it can be built by fostering mental skills that help us respond to difficult events.

“When something unpleasant happens, frustration triggers a response where emotion overrides logic. Strong leaders recognise this early and interrupt the cycle. They develop what is called metacognition or the ability to think about their thinking,” says Cassidy.

This involves leaders consciously choosing the way to respond, rather than reacting reflexively. To break the cycle, perhaps take deep breaths to activate the parasympathetic nervous system. Then mentally assess what’s being threatened — for instance values, time or control.

“Strong leaders also understand that frustration often masks something deeper, whether it is a misalignment in values or a fear of being misunderstood. Leaders who address the root cause, not just the symptom, model emotional intelligence and reduce collateral damage to team morale and engagement,” says Cassidy.

Understanding the game the inner voice plays helps with self-mastery.

The inner game is a set of mental and emotional patterns that impact how a leader interprets and responds to the world around them. It helps to think of it as a script that runs internally, that can inhibit or propel. The script can evolve over time.

“Our brains like a certain level of predictability and certainty, so the inner game shifts depending on the uncertainty a person is feeling at different stages in their career,” says Dr Tanvi Gautam, founder of leadership consultancy Leadershift, Inc.

For example, leaders at an early career stage are focused on whether people believe they are “good enough” or not. With more experience, the inner voice shifts to questioning how long they can maintain their executive position and repeat their success.

Gaining control of the mental script comes down to acknowledging critical self-beliefs.

“We have to put distance between this voice in your head and who you really are, recognising that it is just a voice. Then you have to reframe the harmful belief. For example, if you think you’re not good enough, what are the three things you could do that prove you are?” says Gautam.

Addressing self-doubt or, to use a common phrase, imposter syndrome is a rite of passage for most leaders.

“The internal landscape of a professional, their mindset, emotional processing and self-concept deeply influences their external impact,” says Cassidy. “Aspiring leaders often wrestle with imposter syndrome, which neuroscience suggests is rooted in an overactivation of the brain’s default mode network, which is the system involved in self-referential thinking.”

Engaging with other leaders or mentors is a good way to gain perspective and overcome self-doubt, but it can take time.

Building the emotional skills a leader requires to stay calm under pressure is a lifetime’s work. Every day is an opportunity to practise.

Executive presence is much more than charisma or a commanding voice. It encompasses calmness, authenticity and a clarity that fosters genuine gravitas. True executive presence is about embodying qualities that inspire trust and confidence.

Here are three ways to cultivate it:

1. Practise clear and confident verbal communication. Focus on tone, pace and body language.
2. Work on self-awareness to understand individual strengths and areas for improvement. This helps to present authentically.
3. Seek feedback from peers and mentors to gain insights into external perceptions and where to grow.

When developing an executive persona, be professional at all times. Although there’s an argument for bringing one’s full self to work, organisational psychologist Dr Travis Kemp says that leadership necessarily involves a degree of character acting.

“There is a contemporary mythology that says authentic leadership is important. If I was perfectly authentic every day, my leadership would be atrocious because there are days I feel intolerant, tired, run down or I am worrying about things that are bigger and more important than work,” says Kemp.

“Sometimes I might react when I get hit from left field with a question. That is authentic, but that’s not an appropriate response for a leader in a public setting. There is a role to be played.”