How to work with people you don't like

While collaboration is a critical and unavoidable aspect of the modern workplace, differences in personality, communication style, hierarchy, cultural background and pace can make working with others challenging — particularly in high-pressure finance and corporate environments.

However, it is possible to have a productive professional relationship when there is personal dislike.

Paula Brough, a professor of organisational psychology and director of the Centre for Work, Organisation and Wellbeing at Griffith University, says adopting a professional approach at work enables individuals to put personal differences aside and operate as part of well-functioning teams.

“You do not have to like everyone you work with, but if you focus on the task at hand — whether that is finding a solution to a problem or completing a project — it is easier to understand that some differences are beneficial.”

The challenge for finance leaders and professionals is not to eliminate friction, but to manage it productively and transform difference into a source of insight rather than division.

Conflict at work

Friction within a team can be a strength.

“Tension is healthy,” says leadership and workplace culture consultant Tammy Tansley. “It can create diversity of opinion, different solutions or show where there is a problem in a plan, which can be a useful source of data.”

But conflict can become destructive when it is managed poorly.

“When it becomes personal, rather than a difference of opinion on the issue, it can become hurtful,” Tansley says. “In the worst-case scenarios, it can constitute bullying or harassment.”

Unchecked, conflict comes with a high cost.

“It costs employers money, harms workers’ mental health and wellbeing, and impacts productivity and work performance negatively,” Brough says.

Systemic layers

Clashes with colleagues can arise from conflicting approaches to work or differing communication styles.

“Some workers might be very authoritarian in their approach, and they might not be very amenable to other suggestions or alternatives on how to perform a certain task,” Brough says. “Other workers may be more open to discussion and reaching a group consensus.”

Personality traits and behaviours can be misread and misinterpreted, particularly when considering differences in cultural background or neurotypical and neurodiverse approaches to work. Organisational factors can also contribute to conflict between employees.

“Sometimes it is the system more broadly that is the challenge and not the personality at all,” Tansley says, “so, the way processes and roles are set up”.

Friction can also arise during crises or periods of high stress and change.

“Particularly in organisations that have grown quickly where systems have not kept up with growth, frustration can be caused by poor work design, poor workflow or a lack of clarity around who is doing what,” she says. “In these cases, it is about realising the issue is not about you and me as individuals, it is about the system that we find ourselves operating in.”

Act early

Tansley says assuming “good intent” — operating with the understanding that most people are decent human beings who do not wilfully try to make life difficult for their colleagues — can take the heat out of a personality clash. It also makes it easier to view a conflict objectively. 

“Do not take it personally,” Tansley says. “If we assume good intent, we can then look at what it is causing the issue.”

Approaching a difference of opinion with an open mind can also defuse a potential conflict. Tansley recommends adopting a curious mindset.

“Rather than assuming that somebody is behaving in a particular way because of X, Y or Z, interrogate the situation by asking rigorous questions to find out their point of view — not just your interpretation of it.”

It is also important to approach these discussions with sensitivity.

“Create safety in the conversation so that the other person does not feel attacked and they can understand that you are trying to get to the bottom of the issue,” she says.

When conflict arises, Tansley recommends acting early to address it, as “it is almost always more difficult to deal with an issue later when it has become more complicated. If you feel like you cannot because your personality style is conflict-avoidant, get some help from a manager or HR.

Most organisations have employee assistance programs that can also give you really helpful advice on how to structure a conversation.”

Self-awareness is key

Self-awareness is a critical element of emotional intelligence and requires an individual to cast a critical eye over their own behaviour.

It is easy to find the other person at fault in a conflict. “We like to think that it is always the other person,” Tansley says, but that is not invariably the case. The first step in any disagreement should be to consider our own role in the situation. “Ask, ‘how am I contributing to it?’ Sometimes, we might unintentionally be making a situation more difficult than it needs to be.”

Taking a constructive view of difference can help professionals to appreciate the positives the other person contributes to the team.

“Rather than thinking that a colleague is annoying or frustrating, consider what attributes they bring to a project that you do not. If a team is made up of lots of mini versions of one person, we are just getting more of the same,” Tansley says.

“We know that diversity of thought makes for better project outcomes, better team outcomes and better outcomes generally, so the challenge for each of us is how we lean into that difference and view it as a positive rather than a negative.”